I've Made My Choice - Forever
by Kiorru-dono
Summary: The World is burning. "The last child, the last to survive" – The world dies, but Rose Tyler escapes – sent back through time – through the vortex – through universes. Back to the world she was born. Set after the Master and Ten destroy the portal so that Galifrey does not destroy earth in The End of Time. Wilfred does not enter the chamber and Ten never dies. Ten/Rose
1. Beginning

Heya guys, I haven't written in a loooonnnngggg time haha ^^". I have a good idea here, but of course, any additional ideas, or dialogue ideas for the Doctor (Oh, I am bad with all the elevated diction he uses), will be loved and appreciated.

I have a track record of not finishing fiction, but hopefully this time I can do it ;p I have a pretty solid idea.

If I am able to write 2-3 chapters, I think I may be interested in taking on someone as a Beta. We shall see as time goes. Let me know if you think it is required.

- Kiorru

* * *

The World is burning. "The last child, the last to survive" – The world dies, but Rose Tyler escapes – sent back through time – through the vortex – through universes. Back to the world she was born. Set after the Master and Ten destroy the portal so that Galifrey does not destroy earth in _The End of Time. _ Wilfred does not enter the chamber and Ten never dies. Ten/Rose, Ten D./Rose.

* * *

The Beginning

The world was burning. Giant clouds of smoke rising, rising and blotting the sky, leaving the world dark, bleeding.

People were running, screaming, doing all they could to survive. Fleeing to the sea, underground, to the skies, anywhere, but to no avail.

Children cried for their mothers. Mother's wept and ended their sorrows. Courageous fathers took arm. Brave men and women lead. But no one could stop it. Stop them. Stop the burning, the fighting, the death, the smoke, the fires. The great, great fires. Billowing flames. The blood seeping through the group, the bodies littering the ground. No one could stop it. Stop the yelling, the cursing, the crying, the killing. No one.

The world was dying.

Giant balloons littered the sky, their bodies falling one by one towards the ground – crushing, crashing, collapsing into cities, civilians, cliffs, condemning all to death's immortal chill.

"What are you doing Jackie! Come on, leave that stuff behind"

"But- _Benjamin" _the voice sounded confused and elated. "I can hear them"

Benjamin hissed at her "_Everybody _is screaming Jackie – everyone is _dying!" _

"But, Benjamin this is-"

A Hindenburg crashed, lighting up the sky – blinding and pushing down everything around it.

"Jackie!" Benjamin yelled in amazement as he held the truck in front of him, burning wind trying desperately to push him to the ground. They shared a look, his eyes flickering to her unclenched hands. He took a step back in surprise as the wind stopped.

"What" His mouth went dry. "But, the explosion…" His heart throbbing against his chest. Drawing the links, his eyes reflected his understanding and shock.

Jackie nodded at him, eyes filling with tears.

"I've been through so much pain Bennie. I've waited so long and now… Now I'll neve-" her face smoothed out, lips pursed. "This is the only way."

"But we _can't _Jackie!"

His eyes widening as he realized what she meant to do.

"We gotta get out of 'ere!"

Benjamin and Jackie turned towards the sound of a voice – Rose ran towards them, her hands clutching an old beaten, brown suitcase. _Her _father's bag.

When she'd been searching for the Doctor, warping through time and space, she'd involuntarily stopped at her old pad. Nostalgic, she'd searched the apartment, taking small objects here and there, memorabilia of her past life. In her mother's room she'd found the bag.

She'd felt compelled to bring the old thing back to her mother – a memory of her real father and not her new step father who cared nothing about her; only the little boy who'd died early after birth, effectively destroying the man. No amount of money could _fix _the boy. He'd been born with Dextrocardia situs inversus and died from heart failure.

"Why you lot lookin' at me like 'at? We're go'na get out a 'ere – Torchwood's coming for us."

Benjamin just stared at her. Eyes wide, mouth slightly parted in the form of an o, his breath erratic, and his eyes shifting quickly between mother and daughter.

"Stop freaking out and come on! We have to get to the platform!" Growled Rose, grinding her teeth at the two creatures; one gapping at her, while the other frowned sadly at her.

"Torchwood isn't coming." The man clipped out, voice chocking as he surveyed the sky; surveying the giant blimps, burning, and crashing like asteroids.

"What are you talking about" Grated the girl, "Torchwood is coming for me. I am the director! I am their _leader!" _

"They fell from the sky Rose. They're _dead. _All of them – dead! And there is nothing I can d-"

Jackie looked up at him, eyes glowing fiercely with a glint in them that Rose had never seen before; as if something had awakened inside her. Something ready to fight.

"No, Benjamin. I can do this- we have to do this. Together we can fix this – save _her_"

"What…?" He gasped, shacking his head, a sob wreaking his body. "I'm not ready". He moaned, holding her violently.

"This is the only way we can set this right, innit?" Jackie roared as she pushed the man off of her by the shoulder and grabbed his face. "Now listen, we do not have a choice. You have to do this Benjamin. If you care anything about her – if you understand what is happening, we _must_ do this".

The moan groaned to himself, mumbling to himself, twisting and contorting his fingers as he paced.

"So… the last child of the planet." Benjamin gripped her shoulders, faces inches from her face, wild eyed. "The last one to survive?".

"The last one… and I'm going to lose her again- she'll lose _me -_ my precious baby"

"What's going on?" Rose asked, lips dipping down, her heart accelerating, feeling apprehensive about the way both adults where holding on to each other. Her eyebrows scrunching down towards her noise creating ripples on her forehead.

The two of them turned and smiled fondly at her.

"Brilliant. Simply Brilliant! And all this time I thought you were…" A part of his other self, the other him, resurfaced – the smile she remembered from so long ago plastered on his face – the same face but so different.

"Oi, careful what you say about me boy!" she grinned, winking at the man.

"Oh Jackie. Oh! Let's do this Jackie – just you and me against the world, what d'ya say!" Benjamin grinned, laughing with tears in his eyes.

Both indulged themselves – laughing as the world died around them.

"Oh, Brilliant. You, you Jacqueline Andrea Suzette Tyler, are a brilliant, brilliant genius is what you are!"

She smiled fondly at him, like a lost friend she'd been waiting so long to see again and took his hand and turned towards her daughter with a determined look.

"I love you so much Rosie – one day, you'll understand I had no choice."

She brought her hand up to her face and whipped the tears from her eyes.

"What's going on." Rose whispered, the hairs on her back standing on end, "This isn't funny. We've destroyed them before – we can do it again!" She shouted at the two figures standing before her – their tired, determined eyes speaking more than words ever could.

"No Rose. You and the Doctor destroyed them – I've never done anything remotely close." He stared at her with blank, sad eyes.

"I wish this could be different, I really do. I wish I could have been what you'd always wanted but… oh… you, you always find a way" his voice cracked and he hugged Jackie to his side, beaming at Rose.

"Don't forget us yeah?"

"I love you so much baby"

"What are you guys prattling on about? Tell me! Stop acting like the world's about to end"

"Oh but Rose…" Her mother gave the tall, brown haired man a firm, grieved look.

_**Exterminate. The Humans will be Exterminated. **_

"Now"

Benjamin pulled out a key, a key the Doctor had given him so long ago, and aimed it at Rose.

"I love you. I always have, but you were never mine to keep".

He pressed the small key as though it were the key to a Smart car, the starter inserted into its handle, and she heard the familiar hum of the universe. A sound she had not heard in over a year.

Eyes wide, Rose Tyler stood frozen to the ground, unable to move as the world started blinking in and out of focus.

"Good bye, Rose Tyler."

"No!" She roared, "Mom! Benjamin!"

_**All Human's will be EXTERMINATED. **_

_**All Human's will be SURRENDER. **_

_**Whaaat iss thisss? **_

_**EXTERMINATE. **_

_**EXTERMINATE. **_

_**EXTERMINATE. **_


	2. Chapter 1

Heyya guys, so my idea is to update every week and I do have the first 5 chapters grafted.

Please remember, in this rendition the Doctor never got the radiation and therefore does not die, although he is still deeply troubled about the danger he causes to those around him. We could say he's depressed…

- Kio

* * *

**Chapter One: **_**Welcome to Earth **_

"Ground control to major Tom, your circuits dead, there's something wrong"

– David Bowie _Space Oddity_

* * *

The Sontaran fell listlessly towards the ground with a metallic 'thunk'. In his place stood a tall, brown haired man; his shoulders slightly slouched, wearing a damaged and torn brown suit, and vacant eyes. He watched on from above, his hands in his pockets as the couple below observed his appearance. It wasn't that he didn't like them that he was leaving, oh no, it was more than that. He could not risk putting them in any more danger than they already were – here he was, a changer of men – a killer – a bloody killer. Ok, well, maybe_ he_ was not, but he had turned them into killers; the once innocent and idiotic boy stood as a man; tall, proud, assertive and poised for battle; the woman next to him no longer a victim to providence but a proud warrior. He had done this. Put them in danger, made them into warriors - took them from their homes and families and destroyed what they had once considered _life. _

The man turned and left, followed softly by the sound of his time machine leaving the twenty-first century.

"That was the Doctor" Grinned Mickey as he pulled his wife closer to him.

"He looked different, sad" She bit her lips, her eye brows meeting at her nose.

"Don't be like that Martha, he was probably upset that he had to come to our aid" with a wink he pulled the woman into his arm and pressed his lips against hers in a possessive embrace.

"Oi, get off me!" grinned Martha as she pushed softly against his armored chest.

The man smirked and let his wife free – she turned from him, prepping her gun and surveying their environment. She checked her scanner, fussing with the device before turning to her husband with a tight smile.

"S'all ok here; that was the last of them"

"Are you sure? You said that last time and look 'at him!" The man pointed his gun towards the fallen Sontaran and then gave his wife a pointed look. "We could have died". The woman snorted at him and scanned the environment again, a low hum emitting as she raised her arm around her – scanning the parameter.

"Nothing Mickey, I swear"

The man nodded and shrugged his gun.

"Alright, let's go then"

The pair did a final visual survey around the parameter before shouldering their guns, packs and ammunition and trekking back towards their vehicle. As they passed, and began preparation to dissolve the fallen Sontaran, they heard the familiar sound of the Tardis, a _wahh wahh_ sound emitting in a much higher frequency – urgency – than they'd ever heard before.

Startled at the Doctor's quick return the two quickly sprayed the Sontaran, effectively destroying his body and any traces of the alien. With tight grimaces and thundering hearts, the two swiftly made their way up the ramp and towards the booming sound. A burst of wind threw them against the railing; clutching and pressing them against the cool metal. They hung for dear life.

The freak wind dying out as swiftly as it had arrived, they began moving more urgently towards the dissipating noise.

Rose Tyler, blond, holding a beaten brown bag stood on the walk way, her feet planted exactly where the Doctor had stood mere minutes ago. Her torn clothes clung to her body, the tattered remains of a pink sweater hanging limply from her body; her back facing the two approaching humans.

Slowly, she brought her hands up, dropping the old bag with a cloud of dust, before resting her palms and twisting her fingers around the metal railing in front of her. She looked out into the sky, her eyes focusing on the horizon, remaining motionless save her eyes; unmoving and rooted to the spot. She opened her mouth and yelled. Shrieked. Screamed. A mournful noise that carried – carried over the landscape, carrying a painful story, carrying a dreadful apprehension.

Mickey, having reached the stairs first, stood thunderstruck as he surveyed his ex; the woman, whom in the past, he would have laid down everything to be with. She stood screaming, tears falling like rain down her white and wide, dilated eyed face.

"What's going on?" Martha took the last few steps. "What is she doing here?" she whispered, mouth slack. Her body refusing to move at her command, staying still as she viewed the girl they'd left in another universe so long ago.

"Mickey, what is she doing here – the universe-"

"I know!"

He approached the girl and turned her around revealing her tear blurred eyes and snot dripping nose. He curled his nose a little, eyeing the girl for any damage. Upon seeing him, Rose threw herself into his arms, weeping into his shoulders; incoherent words flowing from her mouth; desperately clinging to him.

To his wife's great discomfort, Mickey held her, rocking them from side to side as the girl continued to shed tears.

"Where did she come fro- how!"

Martha's demanding plea went unanswered, Mickey unable to respond with any kind of suitable reason for how the girl might have managed to cross parallel worlds.

"Let's take her back to the base". The man nodded, picking up the girl and nodding his head towards the lumpy bag hanging off the side of the rafter.

"_I can't do this anymore Rose, it's gotten out of hand"_

_T-shirt, jean trousers and short, clipped hair. _

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_This – us! I can't live in his shadow"_

"_What are you talking about Docto-"_

"_Stop calling me that!_

"…"

"_I am _not _the Doctor. I am Benjamin. I am just a regular human"_

"_But Doc-"_

"_I'm not him Rose.. I can't … I don't remember who he is"_

"_The Tardis"_

"_I'm so sorry Rose. I'm sorry it had to be this way" _

She was lying on a sanitary bed. The smell of antiseptics, bleach and the burned after smell of a freshly turned on heater nauseating her. She cradled her head; her mouth thick, her tongue slow and her eyes dry as sand. Needing to find something to drink, she lifted her legs off the side of the bed and surveyed her surroundings.

_Yup,_ she thought, _hospital room_. She turned around her, eyes fallowing slowly and focusing slightly on the contents of the room; a small white bed, a narrow dresser, a small sink and a toilet. Worried about why she could possibly be housed in a hospital, she began calling out for her mother.

"Mum!"

She shifted her weight from one leg to the other, biting her left index finger.

No one answered.

"Ben?"

Growing impatient with the lack of response, Rose opened the door to her room and stepped into a much cooler corridor; clearly not heated like the rest of her room. The hallway slithered down in two identical directions, doors dotting its walls every five or ten feet. The hall, much like her room, was bare of any indication save for a pink door mat 50 feet or so away.

Huffing, the girl made her way towards the doorway, intent on finding out what she was doing in a hospital with no one monitoring her.

She reached the door, and with more force than she intended, threw it open onto the surprised faces of Marth and Mickey. Struck dumb, the girl ogled the pair, her arms falling limply towards her sides.

"Hey." Mickey.

"Hi" Rose.

They both observed each other from across the room, a small pad that contained a fully equipped kitchen and living room as far as she could see. A kettle rested on the counter, the smell of tea wafting through the flat.

Martha, her fingers nervously tapping against her white cup, jumped up between the pair, offering tea to the newcomer, but the two stood entranced, ignoring her efforts to stop their interaction.

"Hey…" Rose tried again, mouth dry.

Mickey surveyed her, his lips merging in a tight line.

"What are you doing here?"

Rose started back, her eyebrows shooting up into her brows.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" She growled, hands on her sides, "Seriously Mickey!" she approached him, frowning deeply, "What are you doing here! Alright, so I'm in a hospital, that does not mean you can fly through time and space to come see if I am ok! We had a deal; you stayed there and Jackie, Ben and I there!"

"Who the hell is Ben!"

Martha shivered hearing the possessive tone aimed not at _her, _but at another.

"And why are we even having this conversation – no, I don't care who your little boyfriend is, we had a deal Rose Tyler! You had your Doctor, you were supposed to stay _there!"_

"What do you mean, 'I was supposed to stay there', you're the one here!"

"Rose, this is not the parallel universe"

Both the tall male and Rose turned towards the grim faced woman, her hands clenched and her jaw set.

"what?"

"She's right Rose! How did you get here? Time manipulation? Some vortex? A new Torchwood project?"

Rose stood agape, thoughts filtering through her mind to fast for her to comprehend their subject or meaning.

"What?"

"Rose, for heaven's sake! You're on _Real Earth_"

Thump.

Rose fell to the floor clutching her heart, trying to force herself to breath.

"What! The Duplicate wasn't good enough for you" his voice betrayed him, _I wasn't good enough for you. _He was unable to stop the feeling of anger that swept through his veins – he had done everything for this girl, and she had shot him down. Then, he had done everything to make her happy, and she had destroyed it. Nothing he did was good enough for Rose Tyler, she just kept coming back and destroying his peace and happiness.

The man kept ranting, his anger getting the best of him as he envisioned all the possible repercussion of Rose forcing her way through parallel universes to come back.

"They're gone." The room filled with the sounds of breathing – no one stiring.

"What did you say?"

Fighting through the haze of tears forcing their way and struggling to contain the anguished cries in her throat, Rose hiccupped, "I'm the last one, he said".

Martha shared a look with Mickey, walking slowly past her husband and bending down towards the girl, putting her arm slowly around her.

"What happened Rose"

"All gone. They're all gone. _Last _one, they said, _last child."_

"How did you get here Rose", clearly still upset towards the girl, Mickey demanded answers.

"Lay off Mike – can't you see-"

"I don't care! What is she doing here!? This could destroy the Universe!"

"It isn't at the moment, yeah? So lay off!"

The two continued arguing, spiting at each other curses and demands, Rose muttering and shaking her head; then coughing; struggling to breath; arms clawing at her throat.

The fighting stopped.

Straps, syringes, soft slumbers, soft, soft sheet. Mind slipping, thoughts drifting, eyes wide, a broken smile, "I can't be the last". Play, repeat. Play, repeat. _Your circuits dead, there's something wrong._


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter two**

In Memoriam

* * *

Don't think you're gonna change what's inside of me  
Make me who you want me to be  
Won't be someone I'm not  
Somebody else, someone else  
Love me with all my imperfections  
Not for an image of your design  
Love me for what you see inside

- Ashley Tisdale

* * *

"She can't stay here Jackie, she has to get her own place"

"What are you talking about Pete! She's our daughter"

"No Jackie, this is my baby"

Jackie let out a whistling sigh.

"But Pete, she's my baby too"

"But she's… old… old enough to have her own place"

Rose turned away from the door. Eavesdropping did not become her. She'd always thought that once this Pete had gotten to know her, the daughter he never had, he'd come to love her, cherish her. He'd put himself in danger to save her – for a _debt. _She'd know the minute he had pushed her off of him as she'd tried to bury her face into his shoulder. Her mother had held her while she cried, cried for the Doctor the first time – she'd told her Pete was just uncomfortable with the idea of a child so soon – that she'd be happy here – she'd have a good life. But he had done it for a _debt. _ A debt to her Doctor – for saving his world.

She eventually got over the fact that she would never have _her _father – but Pete did 'mellow' out some; especially after her mother had gotten pregnant. At that point though, it was like he was trying to prove that he would be a good father to the newborn – but he would never _love_ her. He wasn't all bad though, she'd tell herself, – he just did not want to see her as his daughter – just some friend or friend of his wife. They'd gotten married after a doctor – not her Doctor – had pronounced her pregnant but they had still made time to bring her to her Doctor when he had called for her.

She ran her fingers through her dirty hair – she'd been overworking at Torchwood lately. After the Doctor had returned her to "her time" – how could it be _her time _when she was not even born here – with his clone, she'd been working non-stop making sure that this world was not about to blow up – parallel universes, a girl had to check.

She did not blame Pete for wanting time alone with his wife – they all seemed to believe she'd be happy and married herself to 'her' Doctor – the other doctor. She could move in with him if she wanted to; he lived closer to Torchwood than she did. It would be easier on everyone.

But it had been a bad idea.

At first, it felt like she was with her Doctor – they shared past stories and laughed about their crazy adventures and had eventually began growing a Tardis – The Doctor and Doctor Dona had given them a small shard and the red haired woman had explained to the other doctor how to accelerate and take care of the shard properly.

The Tardis was slow to grow, but Rose had not expect it to grow at all… Of course, once it got to a substantial size, they'd have to start building a console, but the Other Doctor had told her it would be "Easy breasy, lemon squeezy" – he'd done it before.

She'd moved into his apartment before her step-father could evict her.

"I need my own space" she did not want to be a bother.

Her mother had cried and told her she could stay at home as long as she wanted – but Pete's eyes had told her it was time to go – and go she did.

The other doctor had smiled proudly at her – and she'd blushed under his waggling brows.

"Thought you'd never come save me from my boredom! It's so _boring _here. Is life always this _long? _Now on Gallifrey, one could-"

That day, she'd only listened with one ear as she explored his apartment – they did not usually spend time here, usually he'd come to her. He'd made a few changed since the last time she'd been over though; the walls, every wall, was painted a deep, bright Tardis Blue.

She ran her fingers across his tables, counters and peeked into his room – everything was clean. Not just clean, but polished – super clean. The apartment itself looked posh – blue should have made the rooms look smaller but the man had impeccable taste; he had a modern kitchen painted pure white, thick white drapes held back with gold, silk ropes, and the hard wood floors gleamed under her feet and the plush carpet in the living room were soft and a sterile hospital white.

"Wow Doctor, seems like someone's been doin' some work around here"

He stood smiling, hands in his pockets – he loved it when she bit her tongue just a bit.

"Rose Tyler" He grinned "my roommate – took your sweet time, but here we are! Doctor and Rose in the tar-" he stopped for a second, his smile dropping and frowning slightly.

"Well, it isn't the Tardis, but – here, let me show you your room"

"Don't need too" she winked, "I know where I'll be sleeping"

His eyes widened as she walked towards his room, giving him a sultry look as she passed the threshold.

"You really have been bored"

His room, like the rest of his apartment, was clean – usually his bed would be left undone; he wasn't used to having to do any of this himself. Spoiled Time Lord, the Tardis had done all the work for him – it would do him some good to learn about the real life now that he was human.

Three months later, he'd woken up screaming. Clutching his head, tears rolling down his face.

She'd been a little bit cranky at having been kicked and then awoken by a scream – but she'd let go of the pain and had taken him into her arms. He cried all night. Telling her stories about Gallifrey – how he'd had no choice – the children, all the children that died – it had been _his _fault.

"I want to forget it" He'd cried, "I didn't make those choices! It wasn't me!"

She'd held him – that was all she could do – whispering to him that she was there for him – she'd listen and hold him and love him; that it would go away.

But it did not.

The dreams became worst, the screaming and sleepless nights more frequent. They both walked around the office with dark faces and hollow eyes. He'd started closing himself off from her, not really interacting with her outside of taking care of the budding Tardis crystal hidden in Torchwood, and when they shared the bed.

But one day – it changed.

He woke up with a smile on his face. No screaming, no thrashing in his sleep – nothing. She'd grinned, kissing him good morning before sauntering out to the kitchen for a nice cuppa.

"Doctor, I'm making tea, want a cuppa?"

He had grinned at her, buttoning up his shirt and winking at her – he'd caught her watching again. She blushed and turned away, trying not to rip his shirt off his body as he wrapped his arms around her from behind and whispered, "Of course".

He knew how it affected her, when he spoke to her like that, but he did it anyways – teasing her.

They'd tried to do it once – be intimate, but having spent years not doing it the doctor had been unable. He'd been embarrassed and angry with himself and had never tried again. She'd seen the conflicted look in his eyes as she had led him to his bed that first day – the day she moved in – she'd wanted to get the next part of the relationship over with – rushing herself. She'd wanted to be happy. Wanted them happy.

But that was not to be.

He started to forget.

It started small; she'd bought jelly babies as a joke – something he had told her about one of his previous lives, and he had stared blankly at her as she'd asked; "Do you wana jelly baby?". That day she thought that perhaps, perhaps it had not been jelly babies, maybe she'd gotten it wrong… but it got worst. He stopped sharing stories. He started gazing at the blue walls, just staring at them and then one day, she'd come home and they were green.

"I like green, green's a nice color, everyone should like green" he'd told her when she had asked – she didn't question his answer.

And then, one day, he came home with a straight face.

"Welcome home, Doctor" She'd told him as she always did.

"Hey Rose"

She turned to him, his voice strange.

"Everything alright?"

He grimaced and came to stand in front of her, holding her hand in his larger ones. The heat of his palm warming her hands.

"Benjamin"

"What?"

"Benjamin." He affirmed, voice slightly hoarse.

"I don't know any Benjamin"

"No, me!" he stressed, pointing at himself, mouth open. "From now on, I can't be call- I don't want to be called The Doctor – call me Benjamin".

"Not John Smith?" It was the only thing she'd been able to come up with as she sat, her hands in his.

"Rose, please" he stressed, "Benjamin, I've never met a bad Bennie, well.. Actually, I don't remember meeting any Bens. But- that's beside the point.."

From that day on, everyone called him Benjamin. Overnight, he became a completely different person; no more button ups, or long coats, or tailored trousers – he started wearing cotton shirts, v-necks and jeans. Lots of jeans. His tussled hair, the hair she'd watch him fuss about in another life, he shaved to a buzz cut.

She stayed with him anyways – even with his new image she could still see her doctor deep down inside of him; in the way his eyes lit up and his dazzling smile when he looked at her. And then the Tardis died.

"You let it die!" She'd yelled, frustrated. She'd known it would take a long time before they could sail the skies, go back in time and visit this world's past and future but she'd been prepared to wait.

Benjamin, chewing on his lips, held her at arms length as he spoke in a anxious voice.

"I'm sorry Rose! I just couldn't remember if I applied the … and then – arg, it's all a big jumble in my head Rose – I couldn't – I can't"

"Couldn't what!"

"I CAN'T REMEMBER ROSE"

"Doc-"

"NO! Stop it Rose- just – I'm Benjamin – I'm not him! I can _never _be him Rose! And I'm starting to forget! Forget who I was – what I did – what I liked – what I was like!" He stared her deeply in the eyes.

"I'm not, and cannot be the man you loved. The one that traveled the stars and visited new worlds – that will never be me."

She'd cried that night – the Tardis was gone, the doctor was gone, and she felt so alone again. Ben was working the overnight shift and all she could do was lie on the bed, looking at the ceiling – thinking, remembering her Doctor; the way he smiled, the adventures, the way he smelled – she missed his scent. Benjamin had never smelt exactly the same – he'd smelt… more human.

After that, they'd tried staying together – trying to be a _normal human _couple. They'd go out for a cuppa, visit museums and city attractions, celebrated Christmas and New years together. He'd even given her a pair of blue-gemmed ear-rings for her birthdate – a memoriam he'd said with a thin smile.

They'd broken up soon after.

"I'm sorry Rose" he'd cried as he held her in his arm, "I am so sorry".

She'd felt her heart break slightly. Her limp body against his. Their pounding hearts thrumming against each other as he tightened his hold on her.

"I can't do it Rose, I can't be him" he whispered in low tones. She made a move to say something to contradict him, but he stopped her, "Rose, I can't be with you."

He'd done it quick. Like someone ripping a Band-Aid off instead of trying to peel it back slowly – he'd wanted to stop the pain as quickly as possible.

He'd helped her move back in with Jackie and Pete, her mother about ready to burst; her belly protruding so far out that she wondered how the poor woman managed to move.

Pete had not been too thrilled but had not complained. Benjamin then started to ignore her. Spending more hours at work, avoiding her – she only knew he was still working because his supervisor would hand her his hours so that she could sign his checks.

She usually did not do finances – she usually just helped out in the laboratories or military, but eventually, all her hard work had paid off and she'd been promoted to assistant director when she had returned from her world the second time. She'd had more than enough money to move out – to buy herself a home if she wanted to – but she couldn't stand the idea of being alone. Alone with her thoughts.

"I want to be my own self" he'd said.

"I can never be him"

"I don't want to be him."

"I want to stay here. On earth"

She'd cried – knowing he would never be the man she fell in love with so many years ago when he had whisked her off her feet and made her fall in love. In love with the traveling, the adventures, with him. With all of him.

And then she was alone, again. In another world and this time, she had no hope of ever getting back to her Doctor.


End file.
